16 August 2005

Pawn This Wreck

This is about my Luffly Wifely One® -- the woman whom I proudly call my best friend, my soulmate, my true north. She is everything I long dreamed for in a lifelong female companion. Seraphim and I have been together for more than seven years, and married for 4-1/2. Years, not decades. Although it sometimes seems that way. :-) And best of all, after that long sharing a life with a guy who has a Talmadge Gleck living within him, she has yet to turn tail and run, screaming, for her sanity.

Sick yet? Well, get some "Pepto", take a swig and get over it. Some people are nauseatingly happy to be in the warm tethers of a wonderful and loving marriage. I consider myself as one. So nyeah.

Now I can hear you saying, "Gleck, just what does this lovey-dovey bullsheyet have to do with CAR TITLES?? You're wasting my time. You owe me a bottle of CVS Brand Extra Strength Pink Bismuth Liquid, you sumbirch!"

Okay, cutting to the chase: my Seraphim works for the Financial Aid department of a local state-chartered institution of higher learning. Among her duties, she sometimes has to get on the phones and deal with students who have questions about the loans they're taking out in order to take classes, buy books (often more expensive than the classes themselves!), and have a good chunk left over ... after all, Budweiser isn't cheap - even at Kroger. We must always be cognizant of a college student's necessities.

Seraphim tells me about some of the phone calls she gets. One student asked, "Is this loan something I have to pay back?" Another had to have his mother do all the work for him -- he couldn't even speak for himself; Overbearing Maternal Figure had to take over.

But her latest "phone call of the day" came from someone who was late submitting her FAFSA form (Federal Application For Student Aid, I think it's called -- even though Seraphim always pronounces it "fass-fah"). She was in a state of personal crisis, pondering just how she's gonna cough up the dinero to pay for her classes. Then the little 2-watt nightlight went off over her head: she'll PAWN HER CAR TITLE! Yeah, that's the ticket, little girl.

Then she said her car didn't run. But the pawn shop didn't have to know that.

Did you know financial aid offices at universities have some of the highest turnover and burnout rates of any line of work???

Take comfort, my Seraphim: these students are gonna be on the hook for many, many, many, many, MANY years, paying back all that money. This Bud's For You today. Enjoy that beer now, 'cuz you'll be doing well to afford Milwaukee's Best as you pay back those student loans (yes, you have to pay 'em back, why do you think they're called LOANS, genius??) until you're old enough to draw a pension!!

I love you, Seraphim. Hang in there.

And Ciao for Niao.

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