17 November 2005

Paleo-Blog

For starters, a happy anniversary to Josiebelle. Our divorce was finalized eight (8) years ago today. Not really important, except that November 17, 1997 made January 6, 2001 possible. Wouldn't want to be a bigamist, ya know....

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Okay, while deep in the Gleck archives, I found a whole slew of old entries previously thought to be long gone. Allow me to share:

NOVEMBER 1964:
It's nice and warm in here, I'd better enjoy this gravy train 'cuz it's gonna come to an end very soon. Hmmmm, I understand these funky things in my fingers are called "nails." And that stuff coming through my feeding tube tastes like a combination of potato salad, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Salem Menthol 100s.

I hear these muffled, echoed voices. They sound like Mom and Dad, but also the dulcet tones of Hugh Downs ... c'mon, the WILD CARD is under number 22. Don't pick 14 -- ahhhh, you matched the aquamarine flatware set, you fool! I can solve the rebus puzzle - "Bob Dylan, Stay Away From That Electric Socket!"

I'm looking forward to hearing that other new show Mom likes, I think it's called "Jeopard-----HEY!! WHAT TH'???? I'M BOUNCING ALL OVER THE PLACE HERE - GOOD THING THESE WALLS ARE SOFT!! OW!! OW!!! TAKE IT EASY, MOM, THIS HURTS!!!! OW! OOF!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! THERE GOES MY FUTURE LIFE AS BEING A HIGH-TICKET LAWYER. MY BRAIN IS RUINED. NOW I'M DESTINED TO LIFE AS A BROADCASTER!!!

[It's true, when my Mom was about 7-8 months along with me, she tripped down a flight of stairs]

SEPTEMBER 26, 1969, 230 PM (CDT):
Those bastards at NBC have canceled two of the coolest game shows, You Don't Say! and The Match Game. A pox on those twats. F(bleep)k them.

SEPTEMBER 26, 1969, 232 PM (CDT):
Hmmmmmm, "Ivory" has a nice, flowery taste to it. Less gritty than "Lifebuoy."

JANUARY 1979:
"In the Navy"? What kind of song is THAT? Is this what top-40 radio is coming to? What's next, The Village Cats' new hit record, "It's Fun to Stay at the ASPCA"??!!
Lordy, I hope it gets better from here.

AUGUST 1979:
Kermit the Frog has a record on the top 40?? Please, tell me where the exit is. Evidently Mom wasn't the only one who tripped down a flight of stairs .....

SEPTEMBER 1983:
Cool, I'm a first-semester freshman and have a computer class. Something called BASIC. I'm typing this on a computer with monochrome screen and 16K memory. I'd better hurry up and finish this entry, before I max out the hard dr

EARLY OCTOBER 1986:
It was an okay day, classes went fine, and I went over to The Record Exchange to see if Franklin C. had gotten any new vinyl. There was a copy of "Jailbreak" by Thin Lizzy, and I pulled it out to buy. However, this other guy wanted it too, but I had it first. Guy's name was Bolivar Shag-something or other. The rest is history.

FEBRUARY 26, 1990:
I have a date tonight. Her name is Josiebelle, and she works at the local newspaper. I'm going to ignore this fat and limping bald hologram who looks a bit like me, who's telling me DON'T DO IT. DON'T GO NEAR THAT WOMAN. YOU ... WILL ... LIVE ... TO ... REGRET ... IT .....

FEBRUARY 2, 1991:
Something about a chapel, a bunch of people, and Josiebelle in a white gown. It's all a haze. Why isn't Bolivar Shagnasty here? And why isn't Nettiema--no, wait. I don't know her yet.

DECEMBER 30, 1991, 550 PM (CST):
A son is born. We've named him Tiger. The lady in the nursery has just put this 10 pound and 7 ounce healthy infant into my arms. I'm a Dad.

Unfortunately, even now I don't think his mother and father are gonna make it to the finish line. Just a sad hunch.

JUNE 22, 1996:
I'm in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and wearing this tuxedo. Bolivar is about to marry this woman, a petit-ish redhead. *sigh* Good gawd, here's that fat and limping bald hologram again ... he DOES look a bit like me, I mean my hair is beginning to thin out up there, but will it get THAT bad? I wish he would shut up - he's all hyper, trying to tell Bolivar DON'T DO IT. DON'T GO NEAR.....

NOVEMBER 17, 1997:
Today, the divorce papers were signed, sealed and delivered. I'm officially free from that ugly chapter. I feel like putting my thought onto an online journal. Why hasn't anyone invented a BLOG yet? My 486 computer could handle it. I think.

FEBRUARY 9, 1998:
*snark* Yahoo! Personals. What kind of desperate, sad and lonely people are here? And what kind of desperate people want to find their soulmate on ... *HAH!* ... the internet!! Lemme see .... *snort*, *chuckle*, *pity*, *ridicul--- wait a minute, who is this "Goofelita" person? Her name is Seraphim. She's funny. I like her. Gotta respond to this one.

JANUARY 6, 2001:
I've got a head cold and my nose is dripping like a faucet. I'm tired and have somehow found myself at the Best Western in Lake City, Florida. Seraphim's with me, and I have a gold band on my left finger. Something happened this afternoon, it was in a church .... our parents were there, my brother, Seraphim's sister, Bolivar, Nettiemac, and several other good friends. I remember saying "I do." And Seraphim was in this beautiful white gown. Hmmmmm .....


So, how's that for life worthy of an episode of Behind the Music?

Ciao for niao!

--Talmadge "Blog to the Future" Gleck

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