07 June 2006

The Seraphim Method

Hi, I'm Brundidge McClure. You might know me from my previous voiceover work with several SCAD student films, one of which you MIIIIIGHT catch Sunday at 2 AM on IFC, and from my longtime work with Encyclopedia Brittanica Films, a wholly-owned division of Sominex. My professional vitae includes:
* "Algebra, Long Division, and Two-Column Proofs: You Can Do Them!"
* "Impressing Girls With Your Knowledge of Algebra, Long Division and Two-Column Proofs"
* "How To Properly Ridicule Uncoordinated People In P.E. And Why It's Swell"
* "Making Thatched Roofs The Easy Way"
* "Outrageous Leg-Slapping Comedy With Ben Stein"
* "The Exciting World of Drying Paint"
* "Watching Grass Grow"

Well, I'm here not in my capacity as The Dean Of EB Film Narrators. I'm here today to talk about my new employer: Seraphim Cake Classes.

Why should YOU learn cake-making from Seraphim Gleck?


She's good. Damned good.

And you can learn her method every Wednesday night, starting tonight. She'll be teaching eight (8) fine Savannahians the art of sugar art, grooming the Seraphims of tomorrow.

And speaking for my boss and slave-driver, Talmadge, Seraphim is ....

Wait. I'm not gonna read this.

Yes you are.

This is just plain wrong, Tal. This is mushier than Food Lion brand corn flakes after 3.2 seconds in milk.

I don't care. Read the damned copy, Brundidge.

I will NOT. I'll have no part of your gooey romance with this Seraphim woman. If you two want to make the rest of us sick with your lovey-dovey bullsheyet, leave me out of it.

You will read it, or else it's back to the school filmstrip salt mine with you!

Oh, okay. [mutters] How the hell did I get myself into this?


Oh, er, ah, um, I loved getting myself the hell into this. [AHEM] Here goes: Talmadge is so proud of you. He thinks you're wonderful. That you're awesome. That you'll knock the fondant clear off your yellow cake tonight.

Thank you. Now that wasn't so bad, was it?

Actually, I think I feel my lunch coming back .... where's the bathroom? .....seeya

Well, my apologies for all that drama. The truth is, Seraphim is now a Wilton Cake Instructor and tonight begins her first cake decorating class, teaching it every Wednesday night. I can't say enough how proud I am ... if I could decorate my way out of a paper icing bag, I'd consider taking the class. :-)

Go get 'em, Seraphim. I love you!

Ciao for niao.

--Talmadge "Note to self: draft want ad for new voiceover announcer" Gleck


nettiemac said...

Yahoo!!!! Give her a hearty "YOU GO GIRL!" from me!

Talmadge G. said...

I shall.

Her debut performance went off without a hitch ... of course, count me among those not at all surprised. :-)