This evening (or, rather, last night - seeing as how it's past 1 in the morning and all), another sweepstakes mailing was in our mailbox. Only this one was for Publishers Clearing House.
It was from Dave Sayer, Executive Director of the PCH Prize Patrol.
More of the same. Except, this mailing had a distinct Prize Patrol motif about it. No doubt, to get the stupidperson™ all aglow and goosebump'ed, just thinking their next visit was gonna be from a couple of people bearing balloons, champagne and a big-ass check.
"The Prize Patrol is definitely coming to your TV area with a major prize on May 14!"
I mean, in this mailing was even the location where they would get the flowers. Yeah, boy. A dozen roses would come from Navy Exchange Charleston Flower Shop, Naval Weapons Station in Goose Creek, South Carolina. Zip 29445, in case you give a pride of floating damns.
Why couldn't they just stop by the Kroger on the way into Rincon?? It's on the right side of 21, and convenient to get into and out of. And I'm sure their roses are cheaper. Certainly Mr. Dave Sayer - any relation to Leo? - has a Kroger Plus Shoppers' Card. Wouldn't he?
I hope so. Because all this typing is making me feel like dancing. Like dancing, woo, dancing, woo, dance the night away.
What else? They even indicate the media to be contacted: WSAV, WJCL and WTOC. (Funny, the PBS station isn't listed. They could tag along and then encourage us to increase our pledge to GPB ... well, you know, since we'll be "rich" and all ....)
I couldn't resist the temptation of entering yet again. And no, I didn't buy a golldurned thing. Especially since there weren't any magazine subscriptions (so much for "PUBLISHERS" in the name) ... just a bunch of cheap, flimsy items. Not Ready For As Seen On TV®.
Take this Bell & Howell radio, for instance. Please.
Never mind, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
It looks big, at least from this flyer. But this thing can't be much bigger than your garden-variety iPod.
And it can be mine, iiiiiif the price is right. They're asking four payments of $2.99. Four payments per what? Month? Week? Day? HOUR??
12 bucks for a "shortwave" radio with carry case and ear buds.
Here's what you can listen to with this plastic insult to Marconi's good name:
Now, what's wrong with that picture?
I mean, besides the fact that it tunes just the VHF-Low band (channels 2-6). If you want to hear something on channels 7-13, you're schitt-outta-luck. Besides, all of that bandwidth will be useless in less than a year anyway.
Or that "Telescopic Antenna" is listed as if it's a radio band. "Yeah, there was a lot of really cool skip on the T&A band this morning .... holy tropo, I pulled in a polka station out of Antarctica. Gotta love the sunspot cycles on Mars."
Did you catch it yet? It tunes AM/FM (and neither very well, I'm sure), but also .... hold on to your mousepad, 'cuz I'm fixin' to have a goosebump orgasm here .... it tunes THE MW BAND.
For one thing, THAT'S THE FREAKIN' AM BAND. That's what Medium Wave IS.
Second, it lists the frequency range as 525-1600 kHz. Problem: AM now goes to 1700 kHz, since the "expanded band" opened up in the early '90s.
Not worth just one $2.99 payment. Bell & Howell was a name in optics and projection equipment, NOT radios.
Okay, Prize Patrol -- come on over, Mr. Sayer. I've got some long tall glasses, my wife is a killer cook and I know you can dance, I know you can dance, YOU CAN DANCE!
Ciao for niao.
--Talmadge "You can keep the champagne; I don't drink" Gleck
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