07 June 2008

It came from the "health food" aisle at Kroger

Observed while making a leisurely Saturday afternoon grocery run. I never before noticed the "gluten-free" cereal section....
Perky-Os? PERKY-Os??!! Listen, Mack, I don't do "perky", especially in the morning.

And on the shelf below it was another .... ummmm ... [cue church organ] holy cereal:
Ezekiel 4:9® breakfast cereal. Well, then, let me consult my Bible ... hmmmmm .... "For God so loved the morning, He said 'Let us go forth and break fast.' The Lord then saideth unto me, 'Go find some lactal nectar of the heifers, and we shall be fruitful and sprinkle upon thy Golden Flax. Thou art eating part of a good nutritious breakfast.' Amen."

"As described in the Holy Scriptures." So is the Bible now endorsing breakfast food?? I went back to my specially-marked Good Book, looked up the Book of Kellogg, and read the Special chapter K, verse 19, which went "Verily, go pour into thy holy concave urn the fruit of this box that never closeth. But The Lord warns: If thou eateth any other refined grain cereal product, thou will hath messed in thoust Post Toasties. Glory."

Is this a Kroger, or did I go into a "Christian Bookstore" by mistake?

Matters not. Cereal -- even the "Perky-Os" -- are more points than I wish to expend that early in the day. Earlier today while in Savannah at Publix (the missus had a cake demo), I found two things I'd been looking for: the Weight Watchers lemon cakes - which look an awful lot like the old Dolly Madison "Zingers" cakes - and some Carnation Instant Breakfast, vanilla flavor sweetened with Splenda. (Kroger doesn't carry either, shame shame) I can tolerate milk if it's mixed with CIB. I used to drink it a lot after we moved over here, but for some reason I stopped. Mixed with 1%, 8-ounces of that will be a total of 3 points. Not too shabby, and it'll get my necessary day-startin' nutrients.

I also bought a pack of the Atkins vanilla milk shakes, which supposedly serve the same function as the Carnation IB mix. Dunno about those; I'm taking a gamble there. Also a 3-pointer per container.

Also in our grocery cart was a bottle of that newfangled V-8, 'disguised' with various flavors. I'm gonna see if my constitution can abide one.

Watch out for the shamelessly ripped off inspired feature, "Talmadge, Don't Drink it!", coming soon to most of these same blogs.

Ciao for niao.

--Talmadge "Fortified with 12 essential rants and snarks" Gleck

2 comments:

nettiemac said...

I've seen the Ezekiel 4:9 stuff before.... frankly, I've never been inspired enough to go look up the verse, because the food doesn't look all that appealing. Supposedly there's a diet book called "The Maker's Diet" which follows OT dietary laws (kosher Christians?).... to which I want to say to those religious types "Are you living under grace or the law?" (They love that stuff).

The WW cakelets aren't too bad, with the exception of the carrot cake ones. I love real carrot cake, but this is the dry dull cousin. The caramel cakelet isn't bad, and the lemon is pretty tasty. And in a real shocker, the chocolate isn't all that and a bag of Baked Lay's.

Come to the dark side where Kashi GoLean is all powerful (wink wink).

Kate/Susan said...

The General will drink the V8 Splash, so I think you MIGHT like it. I'm not too sure, but he actually likes it a lot :) I hope you will too!