24 June 2008

Mother Popcorn (You've Got to Have Points For Me)

[with apologies to James Brown]

Some of you might be saying, "Okay, Talmadge, just shut the f-bomb up, take your removals and run!" But me, I'm a little disappointed in these piddling numbers. 1.2?

I guess this is the impatience factor getting the better of me; I think of my good friend in Montgomery, Birdman, who lost something like 75 pounds in short order by doing Atkins. We're talking months here ..... in October '06 I saw him at my son's band tournament in Alexander City (Birdman is band director for another school), and holy crap! I almost didn't recognize the guy, and it'd been maybe six months since I'd last seen him??

Much as I love meat, Atkins ain't for me. There are too many things I'd miss were I to give them up.

But dammit, I want that result. I want to shrink like Birdman did.

Ahhhhh, but reality rears its ugly head. And being that I'm a card-carrying realist (NOT pessimist!!), I let it in the door. A safe rate of weight removal is 1-2 pounds per week. Any more than that and you're not burning fat, but instead muscle and other vital stuff.

I was digging around online about rates of removal, and came upon this eye-opening gentle and friendly reminder: one of our muscles in the human body is the heart. That's not something I want to be burning off, ya know? Something about heart attacks and other complications resulting from crash-removal. Yipe!!

Okay, on those terms I can live with the smaller amounts. I don't want to tump over before I get to where I'd like to be.

But back to the topic of giving things up, I've done away with one big thing: cashews. Too many points for the amount. And I've already said I can easily plow through half of one of those big cans (if not more) in the course of a day. You could say, "Hey, Tal, you don't have to give those up. Just moderate. Eat just a handful of cashews instead of inhaling that bleedin' can."

The problem, Dearfolk, 'lays' in the old slogan for Lay's Potato Chips: "Betcha can't eat just one."

And I can't. So I've given up cashews ..... okay, except for my favorite Chinese entree, Cashew Chicken. Can't give that up. Loooove cashew chicken, at least when a Chinese restaurant uses good chicken with it (read: NONE of 'em around Rincon, or that place up in Springfield, @#$% it!).

Which brings us to the marvelous snack food I've substituted for the curvy nuts: popcorn.

[cue music bed: Hot Butter's 1972 hit "Popcorn"]

I'm now popping up a batch of microwave popcorn each morning at work as a snack. I generally eat the whole thing. It's a nice substitute that takes my mind off cashews (of course I cannot stand going through the nut aisle at the grocery store; that's when I find myself really missing 'em).

But the anemic 1.2 pound rate had me doing some analysis of my habits ... how to make the weekly removal round off to 2 instead of 1. And I believe I've stumbled upon the problem: POPCORN.

The "Nutrition Facts" label tends to be fairly clear-cut on most foods, but not on popcorn. And I'd been grossly underestimating the point values. Most mornings to date I've been poppin' up a bag of the Kroger brand regular butter-flavored microwave stuff. Not 'extra butter' or 'theater butter', just the regular butter kind.

In front of me now is a pack of the Kroger brand "94% fat free" butter-flavored microwave popcorn. Doing the (verrrrry convoluted) Nutrition Facts math made my jaw drop to my gonads: One (1) entire bag of the fat-free stuff is roughly 4-1/2 points.

And I'd been logging 3 points in the e-Tools .... for the REGULAR kind! Don't have that with me today, but I can only imagine what THAT is ... maybe 7 points. Ass/u/me'ing as much, that's FOUR POINTS I haven't logged. And I've filled out my daily quota most days, and within 10 of my weekly 35. 4 x 5 (1x weekday) = 20. 20 hidden points.

Channeling Mr. Blutarski: "Hoooooooly shiiit!"

Okay then. Just the fat-free stuff each morning and log it honestly.

Maybe that will get me some 1.7s and 1.8s instead of 1.2. Ya think?

You see, I have some intermittent goals set up over the next year and they're based on 1.5 per week minimum. If I can do that, I'd make 95.3 gone by May 4, 2009 (the one-year mark after joining WW). Why 95.3? Easy: that'd give me a weight beginning with a 1 (199.9!). In any event, I have two "goals" in mind for May '09, one labeled "rational" and the other "dream." Rational = 75, Dream = 95.3

The ultimate goal is to be down 95.3 by no later than what I call "Bridge Day" - September 7. 09/07/2009 would be the 20th anniversary of Bridge Day, and just about marks the last time I weighed less than 200 pounds (September 1989). (I've referred to this event on the "private" blog)

To make the September '09 goal would take 1.24 pounds per week. Ideally, I'd love to be down 100. 195.2 Just to be able to say I've dropped 100 pounds. That'd require about -1.6/week.

Okay, time for some popcorn. The fat-free kind. Logged honestly.

Ciao for niao.

--Talmadge "Open bag away from face" Gleck

7 comments:

Kate/Susan said...

For some reason, I thought 94%FF popcorn was zero points? But it's probably better to do it your way!

When talking about my removals with a family member, they pointed out that if I lost only 2 pounds per week, I'd still lose 104 pounds in a year's time. I was disappointed last week with 2.6, but I wasn't as strict with myself as the 2 previous weeks.

Keep going, don't give up! :-)

nettiemac said...

Get some 100 calorie minibags -- Jolly Time (1), Orville Redenbacher (2), Act II (1) -- even the (gasp!) Curves minibag is 90 calories (1).

1-2 points is REALLY good, but just make sure it's the minibag and not the full size ... then you're back to 3-4 points.

Signed,
She Who Pops A Minibag Every Afternoon Around 4:30

Talmadge Gleck said...

I've tried the Orville Reddenbacher 100-cal minibags, and the problem I found with 'em is that (at least with the microwaves both here and at work) there's a VERY SHORT sweet spot to aim for. Too soon and you have half the kernels unpopped, and too late and it's scorched. Contrasted with the standard bags and "wait till there's 3 seconds between pops." Heck, both times I had it, it was only 60% popped, and of those, half were burnt.

I can consume a whole bag of the regular-sized stuff, so I don't mind the 4 points. I can handle that.

But I found out just how bad the full-tilt buttered popcorn is per bag: 8.5 TO 9 POINTS ! ! ! !

30 undocumented points per week. Good gawd.

So if I can just do the 94%FF bags, then that SHOULD be worth a couple of 1.6 oz increments.

Talmadge Gleck said...

K/S: Oh no, I'm not giving up. Not by a longshot. You see, now I have something that's touched off the male ego: the WW leader .... I could see it all over her face when I first joined. "He's too set in his bad ways." "Too much into the cashews", I could see her thinking. (And Miz Tina brings it up nearly every meeting, i.e. "Staying away from those cashews?")

If anything else falls by the roadside, proving myself in the "chick arena" is what'll keep me going.

nettiemac said...

True enough..... let's see. In our old micro at work, I could set it on 1:45 and no problem. We got a new machine and 1:45 sent it SMOKING. Now, I just disregard the directions that say "Don't use the 'popcorn' button." Baloney. Ours has two settings: regular and snack (for the mini-bags). It still leaves a few unpopped, but....

At home, with the new microwave, it's 1:18. I haven't figured out how the popcorn button works on this one yet (hey, we've only had it 6 weeks, cut me some slack!)

Talmadge Gleck said...

Amazing how microwaves are that way. For instance, the Lean Cuisine pepperoni pizzas (which I love) ... 2:30 in the machine at work nails it perfectly, every time. Soft dough and all. But at home, 2:30 makes some of the outer edge a little tough. 2:20 and it isn't done enough. Sheesh. Why do I feel like a contestant playing "Clock Game" on TPIR??

Kate/Susan said...

I have the Jolly Time at home and I have to say, it leaves a lot unpopped. But I get nervous when it starts to slow down, so I pull the plug, so to speak...

Popcorn is a pain in the butt.