I don't think I can top the 86 reasons Kate/Susan and The General have outlined. If that's not the truest and deepest love, then just forget everything and hang it all up.
Still, I was inspired, and here I go. Danger, it gets a bit gooey and mushy. I recommend wearing protective clothing. Make sure one of you stays behind to talk about Mutual of Omaha while the other does the real work...............
86 REASONS I LOVE SERAPHIM
1) She didn't click "clear form" and proceeded to post that Yahoo! Personals listing in January of 1998, so I could stumble upon her.
2) Any woman who was able to cause the likes of Puddy to come toward her out of the litter and into her life, then mine, is someone very special. (And not in "that" way, either)
3) Any woman who would take me in the condition I was in, just months after a divorce from someone whom I had no business being the same state with, let alone house ... well, she truly is incredibly wonderful.
4) She has the sweetest face I've ever gazed upon.
5) Her skin is the softest I've ever felt.
6) Her voice is the warmest, and most loving my ears have ever heard. Truly, my cochlea burst with warmth with each syllable she speaks.
7) She's my best friend in every sense of the term.
8) I 'loke' her, and she 'lokes' me.
9) Our mutual ‘lucky number', and the number of "kisses" we always sign off our e-mails with. XXXXXXXXX, or, when time is limited, X9
10) She didn't go running when I told her I'd been ‘snipped'
11) She didn't go running when she learned I had a son from a previous marriage.
12) She didn't go running when she learned the story about that previous marriage.
13) She didn't go running when she learned what I did for a living.
14) She didn't go running when she got to know my life's history.
15) The way she dismissed my ‘particular eating habits' with one sentence: "It just makes it easy to cook for you."
16) She accepts my ‘particular eating habits', and has never made a big deal about them.
17) She is, quite possibly, the best cook I've ever known.
18) Nobody - not even my mother - can do chicken & dumplings like she can.
19) She makes ‘sticky' white rice, in a way only Gran Lera was able to do.
20) She has a brilliantly warped mind.
21) I love her sense of humor.
22) She didn't want to go straight to "Free Parking" from "Go", if you catch my drift.
23) She thought my hand-on-leg overture (read: requisite "move" a man has to make on a first date to prove they're not gay) was too forward ... shoving my hand underneath her sweatshirt on our third date was the last thing I had to worry about.
24) She didn't try to molest me on our fourth date.
25) She's the sexiest thing I've ever seen from behind a clothes display at JCPenney in Macon.
26) Indeed, she is the vision of lusciousness to my eyes.
27) We're very much compatible in ‘intimate affairs' ... if that makes any sense.
28) After nearly seven years of marriage to Whatzername, I was all but ruined on the concept of ‘intimacy', and she patiently waited as those closet skeletons were processed and discharged.
29) Speaking of "closets", she knows the "hall closet" gag on Fibber McGee & Molly.
30) She loves OTR (Old Time Radio) shows.
31) She understood the magic and meaning of "Ohhh RAH-ches-turrr?" "Yeah, boss?"
32) She rolls along with my kneejerking musical moods ... I can go from early Pink Floyd to Robin Trower to ‘70s R&B on a dime, and she isn't the slightest bit fazed.
33) She loves listening to ‘ambient' (new age) music, and likes falling asleep to it.
34) She puts up with my reading the newspaper at the dinner table.
35) She puts up with my quirky passions and doesn't think of them as embarrassing or ‘retarded.' — even the road geek stuff.
36) She'll watch the classic TV shows I'll receive in trades, even the little-known programs.
37) She'll even listen to the old radio airchecks that come in (beware: a big batch of stuff is coming later in the week!)
38) So much can be said in a nice belch. And my wife knows this.
39, of course) She's a fan of Jack Benny.
40) I have never, in all my years, found a better and more fun traveling companion.
41) We agree: Van is The Man.
42) I love how she always calls me when she's about to leave somewhere, whether it's from cake class, or Albany.
43) Her love of corn (The eating kind).
44) Her love of corn (The humor kind).
45) I love how she'll throw tantrums and assorted S-bombs and F-bombs on those late nights when she's trying to finish a cake. I know it's simply the labor pains of giving birth to yet another masterpiece.
46) The way she sings many phrases as ‘mini-jingles' of sorts. We enter a state, and she'll sing it as if she were a session singer for PAMS.
47) How, when we're going to do hamburgers for supper, she always wants me to get a single tomato at the grocery store.
48) Our ‘proprietary' phrases we've cultivated over the 10+ years we've been together. (It's not "grocery store", but grossy sto)
49) When we have eggs, she rarely passes up the chance to say, "I love eggs, from my head down to my legs."
50) I love the facetious comments she makes about "my girlfriend" (and those I make about "her boyfriend") ... how many marriages joke about the idea of infidelity?
51) I love the significance of the phrase "$99.00", and how it signifies a high level of security and trust in our relationship.
52) I be luvin' my Lessa.
53) On weekday mornings when she's home and I'm home, I know I'll soon hear the theme to Little House on the Prairie.
54) Or that lame, but otherwise catchy theme to Two And A Half Men on Monday nights.
55) I love the feel of her next to me.
56) I love when she'll say goodbye to me when I'm off and sleeping in – I open my eyes and see that face of hers.
57) I love how she'll come into the Music Room®, and take my right arm, then put it around her waist ... as if I don't know how to do that already.
58) How our gas mileage is almost always lower when she's driving.
59) How she kills plants with reckless abandon and a profound lack of shame.
60) How one time locking our keys in the trunk has turned into a big joke.
61) That she lets vermin in the house. (It took three hours to get that Kirby Vacuum guy to finally leave)
62) I love the way she says my name.
63) I love hearing her say my name.
64) I love how her accent will change, depending on who she's around.
65) I love the sound of her laugh.
66) I love the way she'll say "Hiiiiiii."
67) She accepted my son into her heart.
68) And my son loves her. Heck, what's not to love?
69) She is the stepmother I dreamed of my son having.
70) She is as ticklish as I am. And there's always that elephant in our bedroom: the ongoing threat of all-out tickle war.
71) I trust her in every sense and every way ... except one thing. (see #70, above)
72) She thinks of so many little things. Like the time back in May she went over to Albany for Mother's Day weekend, and while poking around at Rose's, she found a couple of Jack Benny DVD sets she knew I did not have.
73) She always calls me if she's at the store, and asks if there's anything I need.
74) Back before she got a CPAP machine, I loved to hear her snore. Loud as it was, for some strange reason I would feel "secure" when I heard it.
75) We can all but complete one anothers' sentences.
76) She understands that there's a fine line between "torture" and "put downs" (As she says, "What good is a husband if you can't torture him?"). We tease each other, but never with an overtone of disgust or judgment.
77) Any butt-pinching or playful body tag is always followed by the words, "I have a license to do that."
78) Like clockwork, she always has to make a beeline for the bathroom after we get back from the grocer--er, I mean grossy sto.
79) When she says "You make me sick!", I know it's said with love.
80) After meals, when I tell her "Well, that tasted like shit", she takes it for the loving compliment it is.
81) It's not so much "I love you" as it is "I wub noo." (think Eddie Murphy as Buckwheat)
82) She doesn't hold it against me that Puddy has become a complete Daddy's Girl.
83) I love how she'll sometimes 'decorate' my food ... one time she put some rice in a heart-shaped cookie mold and put it right in the middle of the creamed chicken.
84) I would sooner destroy my CDs, LPs, and media archive than betray her.
85) In the beginning, it was "I like you.", then it was "I intensely adore you", which led to the infamous e-mail she sent me which closed with "I truly, madly, deeply intensely adore you." From there, it became an abbreviation - ITMDIAU - before we created an acronym out of it, and a new word: ITTEMDEEOW. That is our word, and everything all comes back to it. What we share is more than love, it's something higher. Ittemdeeow.
86) Simply and bluntly: Never has another person made me feel so complete.
I reserve the right to add other things as I think of 'em. This is hardly an exhaustive list.
Ciao for niao.
--Talmadge "Lovestruck" Gleck
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