Nettie did this one earlier today, so here goes nothin'......
1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car)
Wolfgang 3 (or Wolfgang Escape).
(That's what I get for driving a Mazda. And a Ford. Last year, it would've been "Wolfgang Civic Hybrid", or - better yet - "Wolfgang Element.").
2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe)
(yeah, that'll go over well at the corner of 35th and Barnard....)
3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal)
(sounds like a pay-per-week computer seller catering to those who can't get credit to buy a piece of bubble gum)
4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born)
(It's Days of Our General Restlessness in Another Passionate World ... the continuing story of Russell Birmingham, and his ongoing struggle with a fatal addiction to boiled peanuts)
5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name)
(Luke, I am Your Bitch. Now bend over and squeal like R2D2.)
6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
(but ... but ... didn't my wife already annoint me as "Gleckman"??? Oh well, at least it isn't Green Squirt. That's sick.)
7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers)
(I thought this was a NASCAR name, not scrambled early '70s Elton John records)
8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Fried Seafood Candy Corn.
(In the words of Leo Sayer, "You know I can't dance, you know I can't dance, I CAN'T DANCE!")
9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
("....aaaaand Whitfield Wilmington with your Exclusive Eyewitness Newscenter Bureau Super Dopplerscan Accutron Max Three-Million Radar Forecast!")
10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Autumn Aprilfool Kudzu
(With a name like that, who needs Robert Novak and Karl Rove to out me??)
11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now)
(Part of the new lineup of ABC's "Funshine Saturday '74", starting next week!)
12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Carnation Instant Breakfast Oak.
("hi .... *toooooooooke!!!!* .... wow, man ... Hi, this is Carnation Instant Breakfast Oak, layin' down the groovy happenin' on FM 109, the underground sound in town. While I finish off this dime bag and have some sweet lovin' with Mushroom Melanie Daisylonghair, here's Pink Floyd's withit song, all 23 minutes of it, "Echoes"................")
13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived)
(I might fudge here and go with our second street, Meadow Drive. "Wolfgang Meadow" sounds like real Oscar bait.)
The rest of you ... you're it. Well, except for Annette. She already gave at the office.
Ciao for niao.
--Talmadge "YouYou" Gleck
Chris Cornell, My mom, and Me
5 weeks ago